|Re: The Taken: After A Fall, chapter 3 ("There's a lot that doesn't hurt.") [message #4764]
||Sun, 10 September 2006 20:56
Registered: July 2003
Location: Raleigh, NC
It's nice to see more of what's happening from Valerie's perspective. From the beginning, with the prologue, I had a strong feeling that Valerie and Mary would be good friends and Mary might set her up with one of her friends before ultimately getting together at some point. I just didn't think they would be getting together so soon.|
The only complaint I have is this disjointed feeling I get when someone in the current chapters refers to Nathan, having to jump back to other chapters to see his reaction to what the others are doing, now that we are seeing things from their POV.
It's kind of like watching a TV show and only catching about half of it due to phone and other interruptions. Then when the show airs again weeks later, the same thing happens again. However this time you only see the parts you missed the first time around and are now forced to piece the episode together in your mind.
The other problem with this approach is the difficulty creating dramatic tension since one POV thread is always several days ahead story-time wise. Case in point, Valerie and Mary talking about Mary wanting to move out and Valerie being afraid she's one argument away from being thrown out. It's a scene that could really amp up the dramatic tension for the next time Valerie and Jane fight about something, but since we already know that Jane is creating a trust fund for Valerie from Nathan's POV, it doesn't have the same impact as it otherwise would have, without already having that piece of information.
For me, the story would flow better if all POVs were integrated and presented at the same time. I know you can do it, since as this chapter shows, you move from Valerie, Marie, Jane, Mary and even Lizbeth POV.
I hope that my POV issue doesn't discourage you from continuing with the story. I do like the story and am interested in what the characters are going to do next. My only problem is manner in which the story is being distributed.